Apologies

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Sorry I didn’t post yesterday. I know it’s not really a big deal, but it is to me. I made a commitment to myself to post every day on this blog and I feel I’ve let myself down. But, I have a good reason; I’ve been fighting a cold coupled with a very bad cough. I hope to feel better soon. I did manage to pull off a post in between coughing fits. It’ll be out later tonight. I hope you enjoy. Oh, by the way, everyone have a great night.

 

Peace out.

Carol

Raise Your Hand…If You’re Shy, or Not?

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I was the shyest kid in my kindergarten class. I remember feeling like everyone was always watching me and always judging me, even if they weren’t. It was like a snake curled up around my brain slowly squeezing me into oblivion and total embarrassment.

One day I went to school; the day seemed like any other. I was sitting in my seat in class when I felt the urge to go. Usually, I would get up and go to the bathroom when I was at home. But this day, while at school, I froze. Every time anyone had to go, they would have to raise their hand and ask the teacher. And every time this ever happened, all the other kids would stare at them and whisper. I just hated that. For some reason, I hate to be the center of attention. Maybe I think people are talking about me, but not in a good way.

Well, I continued to ignore my need to pee until I couldn’t anymore. That’s when I felt a warm wetness spreading through my pants and dampening my chair I was sitting in. I was so painfully shy that I didn’t speak up. I was trying to pretend that nothing was wrong. I’m not sure what happened after that. I assume my teacher had seen what happened and discreetly took care of me. My mother came later and took me home.

Does anyone have an embarrassing moment to share? Line up and let it out.

– Carol

 

 

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The Winter Blues

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We got hit with a little winter blast yesterday. Nothing too bad. It was bad enough to close school – again. What a joy. I love my kids, but when they’re home and cooped up, they drive me crazy. Especially when the two younger ones, who are 12 and 11, want to start fussing at each other over the tv or whatever it is they want to argue about. My older son, at 14, is most usually laid back and doesn’t usually get involved in the shenanigans. He gets dragged into all the fun when my daughter or son decides to take something of his, like his video game controller, and hide it from him. They love doing that, even if it means big brother might go “hulk”on them. It hasn’t been too noisy, other than the downstairs neighbor complaining with banging on her ceiling. It’s just a little weird around here sometimes.

Does anyone else have stories to share when school is canceled because of the weather. Let me know in the comments.

~Carol

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My Way Through The Storm…..And Self-Confidence Restored?

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View of a driveway and side street covered in snow and slush.

Aftermath of snow storm in Batavia, NY.

Two weeks back….

It figures that this happens today of all days. I should’ve never let this go by the wayside. Why do I need personal essentials now? It wasn’t a pressing need yesterday. My thoughts fluttered in my head as the cold hit me. Just moments before, I dressed for the weather. I put on my sweatpants, then my jeans over top. I pulled my sweatshirt over my regular top, and then on went two pairs of socks along with my shoes. I finished off with two jackets and a heavy leather coat. I donned my gloves last. I didn’t think to get a scarf, since I don’t have one, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. So I went on my porch.

OMG!

Was that snow blown around in big piles and it was still blowing snow all over? Yes. It was a little hard to see, but I am somewhat persistent when I get an idea in my head. My first step I made, my leg sank into snow up to my calf. Not a good sign. But my brain said,”Ah, that’s all right. It’s just a little snow. You can make it.” I foolishly pushed on through my driveway to the main sidewalk and turned right.

Around the corner, I turned right again onto Main Street and scuffled down the walk trying to keep the frigid air out of my face. I didn’t realize that the temperature was a heartbreaking five below zero. The kind of cold that makes you cry for your mama.

Surprisingly, I felt a little toasty except for my lower face. My hood was tied under my chin, but it kept sliding down exposing my flesh to that awful chill. I only got halfway down the section of sidewalk leading to the first intersection. My chin was starting to feel numb and the whiteout conditions were not improving.

I had to throw in the towel on this one. Subzero Temps=1, Me=0.

I never felt more relieved when I got inside and went upstairs. Reminder to myself: Next time, plan ahead for all essentials when bad weather is forecast.

Now….

Did you ever wonder, Why me? I’ve wondered that a lot lately. Day-to-day living can sometimes be a major pain in the rear. It isn’t enough with washing dishes, picking up, and organizing the house.

Now, I have to hand wash dirty clothes, again. I should expect it by now. The finances are always a little short come rent time. It would be just nice if I had a little money coming in. I know. I’m a deadbeat.

I don’t have a job right now. But, it’s not for lack of trying. It seems the more I try, the less success I achieve. Go figure. I do admit there was a short stretch that I just completely gave up. It is so frustrating to look for work, even get some interviews, and no bites.

Then, I get in my personal merry-go-round of “You’re not good enough. Who do you think you are, Queen of Sheba or something?” Then my shot confidence will manage to fire back volleys of “Shut up you. You’re not my boss. Go away and come back when you’ve got something nicer to say.”

And on and on it goes.

It’s taken me this long to realize that maybe I sabotage myself. I don’t think it’s all outside forces trying to get me. I look back on my past life and wonder what I could’ve accomplished if I only had some faith in myself. Where would I be? But, it’s pointless to second guess yourself when you can’t go back and change anything.

If you could? Would you? You would have to think on that long and hard. This is not something to just jump into or there could be dangerous implications to your present and your future. I shudder to think of the possibilities. Personally, I’d be afraid of accidentally taking myself out of existence which would mean my kids cease to exist, too. Yikes! I don’t want to do that.

I just need to boost my self-confidence with what I’m doing now: this blog. I just want to make something happen, anything positive. So, this week, I’m planning on volunteering at the ReStore run by the Habitat for Humanity and work on my resume. It just might be the kick in the pants I need.

Wish me luck.

Carol

The Dreams of a Transplanted Hillbilly

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I never in a million years thought I would be in this position. Let me introduce myself: My name’s Carol Salisbury and I’m a 40-something living in the western New York area. Batavia, to be exact. My town is centered between Rochester and Buffalo and it’s only a short drive to Darien Lake Theme Park, if anyone else has heard of it. This isn’t my hometown; I transplanted here from West Virginia in 1999. The home of the WVU Mountaineers, though I was partial to the Thundering Herd from Marshall University. Since being here, I’ve grown fond of Syracuse Orange basketball. But I’m not so fond of the winters here. That last cold snap that hit the whole country was brutal. In our neck of the woods, the coldest temperature reached down to five below. Brrr. I thought my bones would freeze. Another thing about New York winters is it seems like they can’t stand me. I mean I always get sneezy and my ears get so messed up; it’s hard for me to hear. I’m sure I aggravate everyone around me with “Huh, what’d you say. Speak up please.” But I digress. My main message is about this blog.

Why am I here? I have been pondering that question for the last few weeks. I let procrastination waylay me from my path. I’ve always had that habit of making plans and those plans petering out – like a balloon deflating and it makes that weird little hissing noise –  within the subsequent days or weeks. I’ve made a new vow to myself. No more. Procrastination:you will never get me to let down my guard again. [SLAP]Take that you nasty marauder of dreams and hopeful thoughts.[BAM] It’s time to take action. Stop perusing all those blog posts that catches your eye and getting sucked into the social networking quagmire. I’ll let you in on a little secret – I love the internet. The place is like a sensory wonderland for your brain. There are so many ways to get lost down the endless hallways and play on the merry-go-round of endless information until you literally drop. I’m not kidding you. It never fails to amaze me how much I’ve never even explored. It totally blows my mind.

I happen to stumble on blogging several years ago. I even signed up for an account at another well-known blogging site and got my blog set up. I made plans to write my first post – I was planning to blog about my life as a stay-at-home mom of three kids. Sounds good, right? Guess what? It never even got off the ground. I let myself be distracted by my three wonderful kids and the daily routine. That fizzled. Fast forward to 2014 and there’s a new attitude in the house.Now that my kids are all in middle school; my oldest son is set to start high school this fall.  I’ve decided to get off my duff and put my nose to the grindstone. I am going to be a blogger. This definitely gels with my present goal of becoming a writer. I want to build my blog as a way to write every day and constantly improve my writing. My dream is to be a freelance writer and still write fiction on my off days.

My other main goal is to get a job to help pay the bills and finance my steady path to writerdom. Eventually I’ll need my own domain, set up a writer’s website, this blog, and some writing clips for my portfolio. I even plan on doing some guest blogging if my pitches are a hit.

My intentions for my blog is to write about my journey from a stay-at-home mom to a self-sufficient freelance writer, blogger, and future novelist. Here’s hoping the trip is not too bumpy. Strap your seatbelts. It’s gonna be a hell of a ride!